Cripes. It's been a long time since I even recalled I had a home for some scribblings here.
So much feels like it has changed since then, yet a lot of that so much hasn't.
As of this writing, I am back in Northern New Jersey. Since living in that wee town of Franklinton that I grew to love, we had a bit of a layover in New Hampshire of all places. A some place I really, really, wanted to like, and not the least of why because I was sick of moving. Yet, it was a some place I ultimately did not like, although we met a few fine folks there. I still fear somehow managing to live in all fifty states before I die. That should be an exciting notion, but given why I've moved so much over the years, it just isn't at this time.
My heart is still hoping for retirement in the Boston area, but at this point, I think that notion (of retirement) has become its own punchline. Although the area I'm in has a good chunk of history for me (and not even half bad, at that), I still feel that tug northward.
Anyhoo, much is banging around in my brain, but I'll leave that for another time.
Life, whatever you hold in store, please stop making me the brunt of so many goddamn jokes, alright?
Monday, October 15, 2012
Sunday, February 7, 2010
The Fall of the American Middle Class
While browsing today, I happened upon a link to video within the comments of a WSJ article about the failed health initiative.
The video is a lecture given by Elizabeth Warren about "The Coming Collapse of the Middle Class: Higher Risks, Lower Rewards, and a Shrinking Safety Net" which was taped on March 8, 2007.
In it, Ms. Warren shows, with inflation adjusted funds, how much has changed for the middle class in the span of 30 years, essentially a generational hop from the parents of the seventies to the parents of the aughts.
For simplicity's sake, she focuses on comparing the data based on a 2 parent, 2 child family, although she does include other data on other types of families at given times for additional comparison.
I learned much as I watch her unfold a pattern that should indeed concern many, although for many of us, we're already those who, as she says later, have fallen off the cliff of the edge between middle class and poor.
Although relevatory, it also made me think of the measures that have been taken of late to try to improve our overall economy. I realized that what our government has and has also been trying to do is in the right spirit to a degree, but not the directions we should be heading.
It also made me think on human nature, and how we as a community of Americans can or cannot take care of our own, or, in some cases, will or will not.
It used to be that the American Dream was obtainable to all who worked hard. Sadly, this is no longer the case.
I wonder how she feels now, knowing what she knew then, as she watches her predictions come to pass.
The video: The Coming Collapse of the Middle Class.
The video is a lecture given by Elizabeth Warren about "The Coming Collapse of the Middle Class: Higher Risks, Lower Rewards, and a Shrinking Safety Net" which was taped on March 8, 2007.
In it, Ms. Warren shows, with inflation adjusted funds, how much has changed for the middle class in the span of 30 years, essentially a generational hop from the parents of the seventies to the parents of the aughts.
For simplicity's sake, she focuses on comparing the data based on a 2 parent, 2 child family, although she does include other data on other types of families at given times for additional comparison.
I learned much as I watch her unfold a pattern that should indeed concern many, although for many of us, we're already those who, as she says later, have fallen off the cliff of the edge between middle class and poor.
Although relevatory, it also made me think of the measures that have been taken of late to try to improve our overall economy. I realized that what our government has and has also been trying to do is in the right spirit to a degree, but not the directions we should be heading.
It also made me think on human nature, and how we as a community of Americans can or cannot take care of our own, or, in some cases, will or will not.
It used to be that the American Dream was obtainable to all who worked hard. Sadly, this is no longer the case.
I wonder how she feels now, knowing what she knew then, as she watches her predictions come to pass.
The video: The Coming Collapse of the Middle Class.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Ambitious Choices
Things are plugging along for me, still not at the pace my wildest dreams would like, but I don't mind that so much.
I remember, when I first decided to officially become a freelancer, the super long hours I put myself through. There was a point where I actually started setting one night a week aside and one weekend a month where I had zero plans.
That really helped make a difference for me. It brought a bit of a breathing space into what was turning into a if-I'm-not-working-I-must-be-sleeping blur of a life.
I also realized that while living in the LA area, I did get caught up in that drudgery of feeling like you're a ticking time bomb. Years ago, I had decided that what I really wanted, despite my type A personality, was to live the life of a type B. With all the turmoil that happened around the time I lived in Cali, I lost sight of that. Now that some of the dust is finally settling, I'm starting to make it a constant, even if only one of those things I file in the back of my mind.
In an article I read today, there was a mention that the subject of the article only made her life harder with the choices she made. I very much understand why she did the things she did. I too have made many choices that have made things harder in the long run, but the good news for both of us is that neither of us seem to have any regrets about them.
I remember, when I first decided to officially become a freelancer, the super long hours I put myself through. There was a point where I actually started setting one night a week aside and one weekend a month where I had zero plans.
That really helped make a difference for me. It brought a bit of a breathing space into what was turning into a if-I'm-not-working-I-must-be-sleeping blur of a life.
I also realized that while living in the LA area, I did get caught up in that drudgery of feeling like you're a ticking time bomb. Years ago, I had decided that what I really wanted, despite my type A personality, was to live the life of a type B. With all the turmoil that happened around the time I lived in Cali, I lost sight of that. Now that some of the dust is finally settling, I'm starting to make it a constant, even if only one of those things I file in the back of my mind.
In an article I read today, there was a mention that the subject of the article only made her life harder with the choices she made. I very much understand why she did the things she did. I too have made many choices that have made things harder in the long run, but the good news for both of us is that neither of us seem to have any regrets about them.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
finding inspiration
Getting back into business for myself is moving along at a snail's pace.
There are so many things that all too easily eat up time, but they are, none the less, things that need to get done. I am making steps here and there, but right now, I feel like I'm trodding in rice pudding. Not quite rolling rocks uphill, fortunately, but still slower than I'd like.
I know that back then, it was a lot different, mostly because it was all new, and building on the new. Now it's trying to reconstruct the old. I've never been the most patient person, so right now I'm not dealing with the timeline so well.
I have been noticing that lately, the oddest things are inspiring. At the moment, a music video someone created from their own music and a few clips from old Sagan Cosmos episodes, as well as a Hawkings snippet or two. Odd or not, I'm happy to take the inspiration where I can get it.
There are so many things that all too easily eat up time, but they are, none the less, things that need to get done. I am making steps here and there, but right now, I feel like I'm trodding in rice pudding. Not quite rolling rocks uphill, fortunately, but still slower than I'd like.
I know that back then, it was a lot different, mostly because it was all new, and building on the new. Now it's trying to reconstruct the old. I've never been the most patient person, so right now I'm not dealing with the timeline so well.
I have been noticing that lately, the oddest things are inspiring. At the moment, a music video someone created from their own music and a few clips from old Sagan Cosmos episodes, as well as a Hawkings snippet or two. Odd or not, I'm happy to take the inspiration where I can get it.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Cutting the safety net again...but for better reasons.
I've been here before. I'm sure a lot of us have at some point or another.
I currently have a part time job that I took on when the economy went bust and the freelance worked dried up. Well, that's what I told myself at the time. There's more to this story, which it took me a while to realize.
I found what I thought was a flexible job at a small company whose principals and spirit very much reminded me of how I ran my company. The long story short is that although I love the company I currently work for, I'm now glad what I thought I was getting myself into wasn't. I thought it would be a fun and flexible job. There are fun moments, but the flex part of the schedule is to their benefit, not mine. For understandable reasons, but the fact remains that it's hard enough to try to rebuild a freelance business as it is, let alone do it when no matter how open you try to schedule your time, the schedule each week isn't worth the paper you wrote it out on.
The one thing that nagged me from the beginning with the job is how close certain things really were to my own company, which wasn't getting back on its feet, yet that company was doing well. The realization that time I was spending that ultimately helped them I could have done more for my own with even less time required didn't help things.
I kept finding myself asking over and over: what was it that made this company stay together when mine fell apart?
It took me a while, but I finally figured out two key differences.
Opportunity was one huge difference. When I learned more about the history of the company (which had been around for a shorter time than mine by almost half), I realized how many growth instances were spurred by complete dumb luck and the owner being in the right place at the right time. I too had my moments of opportunity, but I let one in particular slip through my fingers. And that let me to realize the other difference.
When the economy first started slumping, so did my business. But at the same time, I lost of my mentor (with whom I was collaborating on a lot of projects with), whose death coincided with the beginning of the first real signs of recession. Yes, the economy still would have hurt, but because of his death, a lot of major changes happened that would have caused a slump anyway. I moved back to the other side of the country; my first living situation was a disaster, which also affected my productivity; a lot of people we had worked with together suddenly shut their doors to me after his death; and due to all the changes, it took me bloody forever to mourn him.
If those things hadn't of happened, especially if I hadn't shut myself down and spent a lot of time moping instead of doing what worked well, and working around what didn't like I always do, things might not have been as profitable, but they would have been ok.
And when the business tanked, more big changes followed: a huge out of state move to a lower cost of living area, a complete break from the part time safety net work I was doing, and a really long time period passed before finding a place I both liked and could afford. The latter turned out to be a major influence, because I did something that made sense financially, but was a risk that turned out to be bad. I was in a shared living space which in itself was all kinds of issues (nothing overly horrific--just lots of straws on the camel's back), no small part of which was interrupted communication: internet especially, which is my lifebloood as a freelance.
So when I first got down here, I got knocked down a peg further than I planned to be. Even after almost a year, I still had people contacting me about work, yet I could not get on top of things in that situation. Hence, the safety net job happened because I didn't want things to get worse. I've already delved into that, so no need to get back to it, so moving forward, this is where I am now.
Now I am here, in the wee hours of the morning, set up in a much better housing situation, with the worst of the flood passed, realizing that I need to tell my pretty nice boss (the owner) that I just can't work for him anymore. I'm still not sure how I'm going to do it, but it's going to happen today.
The next step, of course, is cleaning up the mess. It may mean finding a better safety net part time job if worse comes to worst, but it's a step in the right direction.
Here goes something.
I currently have a part time job that I took on when the economy went bust and the freelance worked dried up. Well, that's what I told myself at the time. There's more to this story, which it took me a while to realize.
I found what I thought was a flexible job at a small company whose principals and spirit very much reminded me of how I ran my company. The long story short is that although I love the company I currently work for, I'm now glad what I thought I was getting myself into wasn't. I thought it would be a fun and flexible job. There are fun moments, but the flex part of the schedule is to their benefit, not mine. For understandable reasons, but the fact remains that it's hard enough to try to rebuild a freelance business as it is, let alone do it when no matter how open you try to schedule your time, the schedule each week isn't worth the paper you wrote it out on.
The one thing that nagged me from the beginning with the job is how close certain things really were to my own company, which wasn't getting back on its feet, yet that company was doing well. The realization that time I was spending that ultimately helped them I could have done more for my own with even less time required didn't help things.
I kept finding myself asking over and over: what was it that made this company stay together when mine fell apart?
It took me a while, but I finally figured out two key differences.
Opportunity was one huge difference. When I learned more about the history of the company (which had been around for a shorter time than mine by almost half), I realized how many growth instances were spurred by complete dumb luck and the owner being in the right place at the right time. I too had my moments of opportunity, but I let one in particular slip through my fingers. And that let me to realize the other difference.
When the economy first started slumping, so did my business. But at the same time, I lost of my mentor (with whom I was collaborating on a lot of projects with), whose death coincided with the beginning of the first real signs of recession. Yes, the economy still would have hurt, but because of his death, a lot of major changes happened that would have caused a slump anyway. I moved back to the other side of the country; my first living situation was a disaster, which also affected my productivity; a lot of people we had worked with together suddenly shut their doors to me after his death; and due to all the changes, it took me bloody forever to mourn him.
If those things hadn't of happened, especially if I hadn't shut myself down and spent a lot of time moping instead of doing what worked well, and working around what didn't like I always do, things might not have been as profitable, but they would have been ok.
And when the business tanked, more big changes followed: a huge out of state move to a lower cost of living area, a complete break from the part time safety net work I was doing, and a really long time period passed before finding a place I both liked and could afford. The latter turned out to be a major influence, because I did something that made sense financially, but was a risk that turned out to be bad. I was in a shared living space which in itself was all kinds of issues (nothing overly horrific--just lots of straws on the camel's back), no small part of which was interrupted communication: internet especially, which is my lifebloood as a freelance.
So when I first got down here, I got knocked down a peg further than I planned to be. Even after almost a year, I still had people contacting me about work, yet I could not get on top of things in that situation. Hence, the safety net job happened because I didn't want things to get worse. I've already delved into that, so no need to get back to it, so moving forward, this is where I am now.
Now I am here, in the wee hours of the morning, set up in a much better housing situation, with the worst of the flood passed, realizing that I need to tell my pretty nice boss (the owner) that I just can't work for him anymore. I'm still not sure how I'm going to do it, but it's going to happen today.
The next step, of course, is cleaning up the mess. It may mean finding a better safety net part time job if worse comes to worst, but it's a step in the right direction.
Here goes something.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Balancing need and want while looking for a new place to live.
Now that April is upon me and mine, and the work hours are finally starting to get closer to full time, the concept of moving to a place of our own doesn't seem so impossibly far off as to not be conceivable. Along with that realization, I find myself comparing the places I browse on Craig's List and occassionally acutally visit to where we are now.
The share we currently have isn't the worst place I've lived by far. The house itself I don't find to be anything overly special, but the location is quite lovely. The funny thing is that the owner of the house made a comment to me today about how he'd love to take the house with him if he could when he moves to Florida.
Personally, I'd love to have a property very much like what we have here (want). The only thing missing is a nice small pond. So far, most of what we've seen advertised within the range we will soon be able to afford more readily isn't like here at all. Some of it probably used to be, but then they went and cleared out all the woods and wrecked it. (In my opinion, anyway.) So you have these largish plots of land that look naked save the lone house plunked on it somewhere. Sometimes they've done some token landscaping, but it's not the lush woodsy feel that we have here by far.
I realize that the smarter thing to do (need) is just find a decent sized place at a price we can afford for a year and just save like mad while we pay down the debt we have. One year is such a short time in the big picture, and later on down the road, a place more like what I love about here may open up.
On the other hand, I do hope that something a little more akin to what we're searching for does suddenly show itself--it doens't even have to have a pond. So every day I duitifully do my check of what's available in the areas that make sense, and hope.
The other sticking point I've had lately is the size of the places that we're looking at (need and want). Currently, we have most of our stuff stashed in a storage space. This has been very counterproductive to continuing certain pre-planning business attempts I was making before the move (comics in particular). But even though the house within which we are living is quite spacious, we are mostly relegated to two small rooms (our queen sized bed barely fits with meager walking room in the one), which is why so much is in storage. Some of the nicer sized properties for rent are rich in land size, but small in living space, others are a goodly sized living space, but if you trip going out the front door, your head hits the street. I find the large gap of medium sized lot and living space telling and confusing all at the same time. I know some people are still clinging to boom pricing, and the newer properties we look at are definitely built with the boom times in mind, but the dearth of medium/medium, even in properties not for rent or sale, is a curious thing to me.
Here, we originally were supposed to have enough room set aside for us that we could get a very small storage space which wouldn't make the rent that much more costly in the long run. Instead, give when space we do have, the storage costs have made this place quite costly.
So as the month trudges on, and the money is stashed, it will be interesting to see if that elusive medium/medium shows up. If not, there will be much weighing of which end of the spectrum we're willing to cope with for a year. The balance of which, of course, will also be weighed by how much extra we might have to pay for continued storage for whatever won't fit in a four room cottage style home. It's part of what's driving me crazy now.
The share we currently have isn't the worst place I've lived by far. The house itself I don't find to be anything overly special, but the location is quite lovely. The funny thing is that the owner of the house made a comment to me today about how he'd love to take the house with him if he could when he moves to Florida.
Personally, I'd love to have a property very much like what we have here (want). The only thing missing is a nice small pond. So far, most of what we've seen advertised within the range we will soon be able to afford more readily isn't like here at all. Some of it probably used to be, but then they went and cleared out all the woods and wrecked it. (In my opinion, anyway.) So you have these largish plots of land that look naked save the lone house plunked on it somewhere. Sometimes they've done some token landscaping, but it's not the lush woodsy feel that we have here by far.
I realize that the smarter thing to do (need) is just find a decent sized place at a price we can afford for a year and just save like mad while we pay down the debt we have. One year is such a short time in the big picture, and later on down the road, a place more like what I love about here may open up.
On the other hand, I do hope that something a little more akin to what we're searching for does suddenly show itself--it doens't even have to have a pond. So every day I duitifully do my check of what's available in the areas that make sense, and hope.
The other sticking point I've had lately is the size of the places that we're looking at (need and want). Currently, we have most of our stuff stashed in a storage space. This has been very counterproductive to continuing certain pre-planning business attempts I was making before the move (comics in particular). But even though the house within which we are living is quite spacious, we are mostly relegated to two small rooms (our queen sized bed barely fits with meager walking room in the one), which is why so much is in storage. Some of the nicer sized properties for rent are rich in land size, but small in living space, others are a goodly sized living space, but if you trip going out the front door, your head hits the street. I find the large gap of medium sized lot and living space telling and confusing all at the same time. I know some people are still clinging to boom pricing, and the newer properties we look at are definitely built with the boom times in mind, but the dearth of medium/medium, even in properties not for rent or sale, is a curious thing to me.
Here, we originally were supposed to have enough room set aside for us that we could get a very small storage space which wouldn't make the rent that much more costly in the long run. Instead, give when space we do have, the storage costs have made this place quite costly.
So as the month trudges on, and the money is stashed, it will be interesting to see if that elusive medium/medium shows up. If not, there will be much weighing of which end of the spectrum we're willing to cope with for a year. The balance of which, of course, will also be weighed by how much extra we might have to pay for continued storage for whatever won't fit in a four room cottage style home. It's part of what's driving me crazy now.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
the past shaping the now vision of the future
While out smoking in the rain the other day, I was once again trying hard not to focus on this displaced and stuck there feeling. Out of nowhere, I suddenly thought of the words "I've already made and lost fortunes in my lifetime." I can think of at least one person I know that said something along those lines, and I'm fairly certain some famous person or other said something similar to it in regards to how continued effort even in the face of failure will yield rewards of one kind or another. But it definitely got my brain reeling in another direction.
I cannot recall, and couldn't then either, of ever hearing much about the in between times in circumstances like that: the making and losing of fortunes. (I'm realizing as I write this that it's hard to define exactly what I mean by in between times, and I'll get to that in a bit.) There is one person in particular I did actually know before he passed who certainly lost one fortune in his life and had to rebuild, but it wasn't so much of a cycle for him. Although with him, I definitely heard the tale of what happened in between the fall and the start of the next rise.
And that led my brain to thinking about how we can and sometimes do break down parts of our lives into chapters or scenes with nice little headings that summarize, well or otherwise, what can be found within that encapsulation. And that's where I was trying to figure out when the upswing actually got recorded as a part of the process, or the bottom was recognized as whatever part of the curve, etc. etc.
As much as I try to think outside of the so called box, I know that I often view my life in relative terms to what my memory recalls of my past. It's part and parcel of the idea that Utopias never work because if there is no bad, how can we appreciate the good?
Right now, when the concept of hand to mouth isn't even giving justice to how we're living, I feel that I am at a dead low of sorts. I know that things could be worse. We could be homeless. We could have no jobs at all. We could have no food at all. He could be dead and I would be that much more dismal on top of everything. But, my memories of what I perceive as better times are still quite strong, and therefore are dictating to my neural spaghetti that right now I am not happy because of how different they are in the lacking sense of what made the happy as happy as it was for me overall.
Three things of note that I read today that relate to this for me are:
"To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle."--George Orwell
"I think, is the perception of my Gen Y e-mailers that they dutifully set up their lives based on assumptions that suddenly no longer apply. "--Emily Bazelon "The Real World Threw Up All Over Us" http://www.slate.com/id/2214712
"It’s easy to feel that one isn’t working hard enough, that one should try harder to save money or take on additional work. To rebel publicly, even to engage politically, would mean exposing your own inadequacies, so most people just hunker down and keep plugging away at those monthly payments." -- Sudhir Venkatesh "Feeling Too Down to Rise Up" http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/29/opinion/29venkatesh.html?pagewanted=1
The reason I find these three quote significant right now is because they all reminded me of the other day when I realized I wasn't exactly waxing nostalgic so much as I have been struggling to figure out what's realistically next on the agenda of my life--what will be the formative aspect of my next life chapter.
There are definitely rules that have changed, some of which happened well before the final realization that we weren't surviving anymore, we were perilously close to becoming tenants in a type of tent city if we didn't take serious action. The first one that comes to mind at this moment is that we no longer fight about money. And as simple as this may sound, realize that according to some statistic that I'm too lazy to look up right now, money issues are the number one reason for divorce by such a wide margin that you have to say it's not a horseshoes or grenades comparison moment.
But despite the changes that have already come, even those accepted without a grudge, we both still feel stuck. When I try to do something with a spare hour or so I find myself with, I once again realize how the contents that need tending to from the move are primarily in off-site storage in mostly not marked boxes, and we are still in the process of taking the few boxes we still have here that aren't very helpful right now for whatever reason back to there so we will have room to bring a few that might be relevant back to here. This of course, is when I start calculating driving time, what time of day it is, gas that will be used even with our hybrid, and then how many more days until we are supposed to be moved out of our temporary housing and then I find myself yet again coming to the conclusion that it's not worth it. And then I waste time trying to find something else I can do with my available time that somehow seems more meaningful rather than blowing time playing a game or once again browsing my usual web haunts. (Oh, like writing here--and obviously this isn't much of a usual web haunt, so you figure it out.)
And this is the point where I find my original clear thought muddled and unresolved as I want it to be before I need to take care of something else. I may come back and try to wrest this better later, or time may not allow it.
I cannot recall, and couldn't then either, of ever hearing much about the in between times in circumstances like that: the making and losing of fortunes. (I'm realizing as I write this that it's hard to define exactly what I mean by in between times, and I'll get to that in a bit.) There is one person in particular I did actually know before he passed who certainly lost one fortune in his life and had to rebuild, but it wasn't so much of a cycle for him. Although with him, I definitely heard the tale of what happened in between the fall and the start of the next rise.
And that led my brain to thinking about how we can and sometimes do break down parts of our lives into chapters or scenes with nice little headings that summarize, well or otherwise, what can be found within that encapsulation. And that's where I was trying to figure out when the upswing actually got recorded as a part of the process, or the bottom was recognized as whatever part of the curve, etc. etc.
As much as I try to think outside of the so called box, I know that I often view my life in relative terms to what my memory recalls of my past. It's part and parcel of the idea that Utopias never work because if there is no bad, how can we appreciate the good?
Right now, when the concept of hand to mouth isn't even giving justice to how we're living, I feel that I am at a dead low of sorts. I know that things could be worse. We could be homeless. We could have no jobs at all. We could have no food at all. He could be dead and I would be that much more dismal on top of everything. But, my memories of what I perceive as better times are still quite strong, and therefore are dictating to my neural spaghetti that right now I am not happy because of how different they are in the lacking sense of what made the happy as happy as it was for me overall.
Three things of note that I read today that relate to this for me are:
"To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle."--George Orwell
"I think, is the perception of my Gen Y e-mailers that they dutifully set up their lives based on assumptions that suddenly no longer apply. "--Emily Bazelon "The Real World Threw Up All Over Us" http://www.slate.com/id/2214712
"It’s easy to feel that one isn’t working hard enough, that one should try harder to save money or take on additional work. To rebel publicly, even to engage politically, would mean exposing your own inadequacies, so most people just hunker down and keep plugging away at those monthly payments." -- Sudhir Venkatesh "Feeling Too Down to Rise Up" http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/29/opinion/29venkatesh.html?pagewanted=1
The reason I find these three quote significant right now is because they all reminded me of the other day when I realized I wasn't exactly waxing nostalgic so much as I have been struggling to figure out what's realistically next on the agenda of my life--what will be the formative aspect of my next life chapter.
There are definitely rules that have changed, some of which happened well before the final realization that we weren't surviving anymore, we were perilously close to becoming tenants in a type of tent city if we didn't take serious action. The first one that comes to mind at this moment is that we no longer fight about money. And as simple as this may sound, realize that according to some statistic that I'm too lazy to look up right now, money issues are the number one reason for divorce by such a wide margin that you have to say it's not a horseshoes or grenades comparison moment.
But despite the changes that have already come, even those accepted without a grudge, we both still feel stuck. When I try to do something with a spare hour or so I find myself with, I once again realize how the contents that need tending to from the move are primarily in off-site storage in mostly not marked boxes, and we are still in the process of taking the few boxes we still have here that aren't very helpful right now for whatever reason back to there so we will have room to bring a few that might be relevant back to here. This of course, is when I start calculating driving time, what time of day it is, gas that will be used even with our hybrid, and then how many more days until we are supposed to be moved out of our temporary housing and then I find myself yet again coming to the conclusion that it's not worth it. And then I waste time trying to find something else I can do with my available time that somehow seems more meaningful rather than blowing time playing a game or once again browsing my usual web haunts. (Oh, like writing here--and obviously this isn't much of a usual web haunt, so you figure it out.)
And this is the point where I find my original clear thought muddled and unresolved as I want it to be before I need to take care of something else. I may come back and try to wrest this better later, or time may not allow it.
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